LA: So much of what you said, I relate to, particularly what you said about how you’re really enjoying your life right now. It’s like, two things can be true. You can envision a life that has children in it, but also be in the life that you’ve built so far and be really proud of it and think, “Well, this is pretty good.” Have you felt pressure to come to a decision, or have you managed to kind of block it out?
EM: I’ll be honest, I haven’t. My mom, who I’m very, very close to, she was always kind of the black sheep of her family. She doesn’t have very traditional Asian Taiwanese values in terms of you must have kids and you must be married and et cetera. She was a single mom pretty much growing up. She’s always been very supportive. As I’m nearing 40, she has said, “Well, I would love to be a grandma, but however you want to do it, it’s fine.”
LA: Everything you just described about your mother, it sounds like she must have shown you that it feels possible.
EM: At first she was a little bit hesitant because it’s a little bit too extreme, because she doesn’t have any other friends or people in her circle who have children exploring this. And then, I mean, even a couple years ago, a really good childhood friend of hers, they come from a prominent family in Taiwan, their son is single, he wants to pursue political career or whatever, but she was even trying to connect that and say, “Well, why don’t you just … He’ll pay for the procedure and you guys can just co-parent.” What?
LA: And you’re like, “Do I move to Taiwan? Am I becoming part of a political dynasty? What is this new life that I could live?”
EM: Well, he didn’t want a wife, he just wanted a baby. And I’m thinking, I’m not going to be someone’s surrogate. I want to have my own child.
LA: On my terms.
EM: Originally I was planning to do the process alone. And then last minute, my really good girlfriend who was my college roommate, she ended up joining me. I didn’t know what kind of raging bitch I’d become with all the hormones, but thankfully she joined me. The two of us, we literally started day one together, ended the whole process with one day apart, and it really has shown me everyone has such a different experience, but as long as we have an open mind and we just know we’re there to support each other.
LA: After the break, why Esther considered international options, how she researched them, and then arrived at her chosen clinic.
If you’re comfortable sharing, how much money do you think you’ve saved by not doing this in the US?
EM: So I’ll share with you the actual cost. On average here in the States, one full round is around 25 to 30,000 if you’re in a major city, and I don’t know what the freezing cost would be because that depends per clinic that you go to. A lot of women still start their reproductive journey or the fertility journey here in the US. I don’t know if it’s because they don’t know that there are other options available for them. I don’t know if it’s because they’re so much more confident in the US healthcare system because that’s just what they’re used to. I am not too sure at potentially let’s say an average of $25,000 and then however many thousand dollars per year after to keep them frozen.
