During a client call, they show me a competitor’s website.
“We want something like this,” they say.
I click, I scroll… and there it is — the moment the Force trembles.
(If you dare, here’s the link: https://bit.ly/darthwellness)
A half-naked man, floating in a cryogenic tube, surrounded by vapor as thick as Dagobah fog. Supposedly, it’s meant to evoke health, biohacking, cellular rebirth. But my brain — equally shaped by Heidegger and Troma movies (yeah!) — registers just one thing: Darth Vader.
Not the Vader, but that moment — the in-between.
Anakin, scarred and betrayed, being sealed inside his biomechanical armor.
Glass eyes. Pale skin. “I’m about to wipe out the Jedi Council” energy.
Wellness? Hardly. This is a luxury bacta tank with a designer twist.
I can almost hear Anakin telling the spa manager,
“You know, I actually prefer the detox mud baths on Tatooine — the coarse sand really exfoliates the soul — or the acid thalassotherapy on Mustafar, or even the imperial hot springs on Naboo, where they serve you candied ginger with a G2 wellness droid.”
And, honestly, I kind of want to book a session myself.
Worst case, I come out a supervillain.
Best case, with radiant skin.
May Cryotherapy be with you.
See you next week,
Simone Puorto
